.. So I must be getting into this....

I've had one profile view since yesterday, and all of a sudden I'm caring about what I write..
Also, i'm caring how the page looks, whether people can read things clearly.


anyway!


I'm on holiday as of yesterday, granted it's only the easter weekend, but still.. 4 days without work is 4 days without work.
I love my job, but it exhausts me; especially when i feel as big a responsibility to, and ownership of the work as I do.

I should be sleeping later than 7:30am, but I've been up for almost 2 hours already - I've looked at Flight Prices to the closest airport to Girl#2.

and Girl#2 is really #1..

I thought it was 10 hours away.. it's 15, but the Fare is the same.
I should be happy that I'm gettin 50% extra travel time for the same money, - lol - however I'm thinking more about being 50% further away from home if thing don't go REALLY really well.


at times I feel like I'm stalking her, and feel guilty about it.. I'm really not a stalker, am I? I'm interested in her, I love her.. I care about her.. and i want to be with her -
but not so much that I'd want to screw her life up.

If only I were less bothered about screwing up.. or getting things wrong.
that's my problem, it seems. I worry about making mistakes to the point that I don't start anything for fear of failing - Starting is, after all, the first step toward failure..

It's the blank canvas that artists bitch about, isn't it..
you almost need to make a mistake, just so that you have something to react to..

So here's a thought that just popped in -

You have artists like Da Vinci who produce works in the lifetime (for the purposes of this idea, it's not important that their works were more popular after the artists' death..)..
and those works are regarded as beautiful, seen as perfect by people - but they were produced over a time - over probably a short time, and they were called finished..

and some artists work on the same piece for decades, adding to it, painting over it (or sculpting.. adding clay, subtracting clay..) without direction, identifiable form, just with dogged determination..

we can appreciate both efforts.. but which is more valid?


I've had Girl#2 in my life for 5 years - and been with her for more than 3 years of that.. but it's ultimately directionless - but it *is*... and it's there, she's there for me...

girl #1 has been in my life for around 7 years, and I've loved her more intensely than I ever have another, and probably ever would love another.. and, given the opportunity and circumstance, I would marry her tomorrow..


ugh..


is this the first post, for posting's sake?

feels like it.


anyway - long story -> short..

The flight brings girl#2 closer to reality - and it makes me think of just how i'm gonna fuckin manage it. it's been a meeting, 7 years in the making...

I just know she's gonna want to take me clubbing..




you've no idea how badly i hate clubbing.






LOLZ.



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