Ugh..

Ok, So the news..with me, your host.

god knows why i type this as tho I have readers.. I guess it must help, thinking someone's listening.

Anyway - Girl 1 finished with me, almost 2 weeks ago - her initiative, she phoned me to break up, and 5 hours later, break up, we did. It knocked me sideways in the moment, and left me upset for hours.. The fallout over the last 2 weeks, have involved her blocking and removing most of our mutual friends, opening her own twitter account, where she voices regret..

she has 1 follower - a person of her own country, who only speaks that language..
She tweets in english.. knowing who's probably going to be reading..

manipulative, much?


I had bad flu that weekend too - which lasted the length of the following week..

Then I discover that my dad might have some good-sized, Lung problems.. various tests are ongoing...

For the first time in years, Work is frustrating me - I don't feel useful right now, when i'm assured that I will be useful.. I want to crack on with real work, like I've been entrusted with for 5 years, rather than the preparatory stuff that I have to work on..

.. I crashed my car, too - I love my car, and in heavy traffic, the cars in front of me, left 3 or 4 fewer feet worth of braking distance, and I smack the car in front. I meet with the guy in about an hour, to sort payment for his damage.

I'll be a marginally happier bunny when I know I've paid the right amount, and he won't call me.. here's hoping nothing unpredictable happens - I just want it finished.


yesterday I just wanted to curl up, and not have to worry..

Do i get a cheap-ass car? do I get rid of my beloved V6 ?

don't like surprises.




:(


except of course the good ones..
'spose everyone likes those..

Shit just got real..

.. So -

in the apparent lack of postable tripe falling from my brain through my fingers, might make it seem that all has been well since that last post.

To re-cap - I caved, and bought tickets 5 days before the day of the flight, and went to see Girl 1 at the beginning of June, had a(n) hideously uncomfortable time with allergies, temperature and injuries (album title?), and was ultimately glad to return home. We didn't fight, however.
It was one of the few inconsiderate times on her part, though.. I remember having to walk everywhere at the place we stayed, even with a foot i couldn't bear weight on.. and sleeping in a single bed, with my girlfriend, without aircon or a fan, in night-time temperatures of 30C+, with a sore foot...
..... For 2 nights... .

I disappointed myself. This was properly uncomfortable - this was, for me, roughing it, and I had relative comfort... ugh. such a snob.


anyway, I returned home, to work, to my family, to my car.. to a further week off because of the foot thing.. and for 5 more weeks, we had peace.. no fighting, pleasant conversations, even some phonesex.. But 3 weeks ago.. I was brought a basket of shit, that stank worse than i've ever known.. an argument, so selfish in its construction that I couldn't believe it was happening.

I apparently had not called her enough. I paid for 95% of the week together, and kept paying for it - my phone bills were immense.. I bought her birthday gifts, and made sure her parcel was there in good time.. I called her .. more often than she called me.. yet I get a whole 4 hours worth of bullshit for not being attentive, or showing my love..

Aside from this marking the 2st day of 3 weeks' tension, it's also an ammunition stockpile for Karma to eventually shoot me with..


SO..

as Girl1 and I approach the knife-edge.. Girl2 drops something of a bomb.

she has booked flights to come to my country, and wants to see me...
I also said that I wanted to visit her.. pretty soon.. like, inside the next 6 weeks.


I just hate the idea that knowing that Girl2 is thinking of me, would affect my decision-making process with Girl1..


I'm also thinking of girls at my gym, .. somewhat blinded by potential, not considering the utter lack of certainty.



Pish




12.