SO, Today wasn't a great day

I think I've pushed it a little far,

during a conversation this morning with her, I asked if I could be her boyfriend, when i meet her people.. This kinda made her jittery and a little unsure - well.. probably very unsure, but she's polite like that.

I'm thinking back to my relationship with Girl 1 - she was into me after 4 days.. and I couldn't have done anything to piss her off -
this new girl, is WAY more independant, and a lot more experienced with relationships.. moreso than me - not a hard task. I'm hearing the words that the new girl says, and they read as tho they can't be mis-interpreted as platonic.. and I get giddy and excited that she's into me, too..
but whe the reality of the situation hits, it hits really hard, and it wipes me out.. like it did today.

I'm investing way too much into it already, and I can't seem to help it -
Tomorrow will be an interesting challenge - i have to reduce my dose, significantly

Not check my emails or websites before leaving for work,
and once I'm in work, try to not check them as often - try to leave my phone in my pocket..


I had a little self-test earlier tonight actually

she'd wanted to talk with me - a casual talk, I hope.. this evening.. what would have been very late - midnight+, her time.. We have a thing where she calls and lets my phone ring a couple of times, then hangs up - so I can call her cheaply, and we can talk in a relaxed way..

I couldn't get through after a few minutes of trying.. so i sent a short text, saying there was no panic - and just said sweet dreams or something..

indeed my phone's behind me, and I've not checked it since I've been at the computer - that's a good 35 minutes.. and that's not bad for today.


Work truly sucks right now - it's an unpleasant place to be - I've not grimaced in the morning since I was at school.. There have been times when I'd rather not go to work, but that wasn't because of the work itself.. more because of how I was.. (see the post about HOCD)..

Ugh.. - I'm so sleepy today,
and I'm crisply awake, early in the mornings to see if she's texted overnight.
it'll be challenging to stay asleep until my alarm wakes me..
hopefully that'll be how it goes.


Today was not a good day.


because I'm in love.



go figure.


12.